Gettin' a move on

Trained it back out to Davis today, this time to meet with the Ecology department. Went pretty well, I think, all things considered. Met with the admin lady and the program chair and sat in on a class. Their program is huge. 40 kids in the entry class. Prof said I was sitting in on one of the driest lectures of the quarter, so I figured if I can hack it through that without having the slightest what all is going on, maybe I can make it in the big leagues. Got some good, helpful info on how to shine myself up good and proper for grad school applications. Solid stuff, doable.

I was having a bit of the old panic and remorse this morning on the way over about how it is you put your finger on what it is exactly you should do with your life and waking hours, feeling generally displeased that modern life wants to make a specialist out of me when my constitution requires a balance of all manner of this and that. Science and art. Brain gymnastics and yoga. Plodding organization and spur of the moment whimsy.

I've decided for today at least to throw looking for that one thing to the wind. Someone asked Nick Hornby how to know if they should keep up with writing or let it go. Quit if you can quit, he says. If you can't quit, it doesn't matter if you make a living off it or not since you'd be doing it anyway. Jealous as I am of the focused and driven, there's just a lot I can't quit. Spread as thin as I am, I can feel the pulse of a thousand latent loves just under my skin.

I have a habit of collecting options and avoiding decisions, but I walked into Davis today and told people I was going into Ecology and Environmental Science. I'm not picking my whole life, just angling for a job. It could be wrong, but it felt good. Just picking something.

So what to do between then and now. The best possible thing, same as always. Whatever it is, I hope I'll get a few good stories out of it.