Right brain v. left brain

I've been having trouble for the past two months or so hearing the music of my banjo songs. When I would practice or go to my lessons or just listen to songs, all I could hear were the notes and none of the music, which makes it really hard to remember and even harder to play properly because it doesn't sound like music. It sounds like scattered dots instead of lines or waves. It sounds like still frames instead of fluid movement.

I reminded myself of the main character in one of Carson McCullers' short stories about this child prodigy who all of a sudden can't play anymore.

But slowly in the past week, my right brain has started to perk up and the music is starting to come back. I'm starting to hear songs. I can hear the first hint of which notes to emphasize and which ones to let go. Just now I was playing a little version of Down the Road, probably one of the simplest songs I know, and stretching some of the slides way out and squeezing some of the other picking down. And I played it in a way I'd never heard it before. I wouldn't say it sounded good in a way that I'd prefer to the original bluegrass style, but it sounded coherent. It had character. It had its own character that I gave it. And I got that fleeting musician high.

It feels good; I am pleased. With any luck, I'll remember how to find my way back here.