Friday, August 1, 2008

you don't have to wait

I've got Mirah's Apples in the Trees stuck in my head.

It started with a conversation drawn out over Sunday - a conversation about responsibility and economics. Well, it was partly about responsibility and economics. One of those conversations where you don't really get anywhere but further mired in your own position.

But it goes like this and I've heard it a million times before. You should work now. Make as much money as you can. Save it, then retire and do what you will independent, autonomous and self-sufficient. God knows I like being able to take care of myself, but there is a middle ground.

Partly it was the particulars of this conversation. Particulars that involved working a corporate job for 15-20 years and then being financially able to buy a lake, build a cabin, grow your own food and not need a thing from anybody. I get that stuff costs money in the real world. It's not a new concept to me. It just gets me all worked up getting a lecture about financial responsibility. I was even told that I shouldn't be donating to charity on my salary. Excuse me? The comment was retracted almost immediately, but still.

I am effing responsible. Don't give me that.

Woo. ok. had to get that off my chest.

Anyway, damn. So all of a sudden I'm running in to all these kids from my hs on Facebook. So, of course I have to flip through a photo summary of the past however many years for all these people I haven't seen in ages. And I'm itching to go out and do all those things. To live all their lives. Only not really. I just want to get out and do my own thing. Now that I have a decent idea of what that might be.

I don't want to wait. Even if nothing works out, I want to know that. I want to run around, be a 20-something kid, see the world, meet people, do things. I want to show up in people's pictures. I want to have been there.

I got another one of my Iceland propaganda emails today and I'm absolutely ripe for it. I'm ready to start being me now. To start really living.

I mean, what if I'd waited until...I don't even know... to start this band or learn to play music? God, the band has to be the best thing I've ever done.

It's like Mirah says you don't have to wait until you die. This is my one life. I want to make it all happen. There don't have to be rules. I will make it all work.

1 comment:

Ciana said...

this is inspiring!!! and i am happy to hear your (more or less) rejection of financial responsibility.

because, you know, you can die at any old second! any time! and so there's really no time to waste in doing what you want to do, within reason. at least, that's what i think.

there's also unlimited potential for good or bad luck...so really, fate can deal you an unexpected hand whether you've been playing by the rules or not. it's too sad to see people rise to the top and then lose it all.

the other thing i don't understand is: why do people wait to "really" start living until they're in their 50's and 60's? wouldn't it be better to do all the fun stuff when you're physically able, and not so settled down in life?