Personal quandary

When I was in elementary school, my dad had a black Oldsmobile with a personalized license plate that read - PHD FMLY. He bought it when he and my mom finished their doctoral dissertations in Computer Science at UCLA. I'd compiled a pictoral dissertation in smelly marker myself on the floor of the computer lab while my parents worked on the weekends. Come to think of it, I grew up at UCLA. I don't remember what I said when kids would see my dad's car in the pick up line at school and ask if I had a PhD, but I always assumed I would have one. Because that is what you do.

Except that I don't have a PhD. I'm not sure if I want one because I'm actually interested in pursuing the careers it would open to me, or if I just need the encouragement of a piece of paper on the wall stating that I've done something with myself. Probably both. Nevertheless, I feel wildly jealous of everyone in graduate programs and with graduate degrees.

I think I've seen two measures of success: 1. Graduate school and 2. Producing offspring. I don't think I've done nothing all these years, but I don't seem to have gotten anywhere with either of those two. I'd like to think of my goal as Love/Happiness - because if you've found those, what does it matter how you got there or what it looks like? - but it's hard to know I'm on the right track or on the track at all.

Perhaps I should try this...