what is filling up my brain

1. i hate to admit it, but work is still giving me a brain cramp even though i am determined not to get stepped on this quarter. i'm having a chat with a few people next week that should hopefully help improve things.

2. i was secretly hoping to somehow be in paris while ciana and russ are there and also to be in iceland for my birthday and also to be hanging out with john on his birthday, and the most obvious solution seemed to be that john would have to come to paris with me. but that's kind of a big deal and i tried to keep it to myself but then it came out. and what better thought is there than the idea of being in paris with ciana and russ and with john. in paris. with john. so, i failed at keeping it a secret, but it still seems too lovely to be real. except that it would be so easy to just buy plane tickets and go. even garrison keillor said yesterday that one must take trips to paris that one can't afford so as to have something to think back on between death and the afterlife. except that it's just money. it'll grow back.

3. starting to take a peek at grad schools. in southern california. i am also secretly wanting to live in southern california. which i never expected to be the case. only there it is. my aunt tipped me off about a good looking program at cal poly pomona. she even offered to house and feed me for free while i'm in school. i'm always taken aback when someone does something nice for me. or even just offers to do it in theory. and my aunt and uncle have an enormous yard and garden. i really need to learn more about all of that. starting with my lettuce!

4. having a tired brain. i am pleased to be learning spanish, but i can't wait to have two more nights of my week back. i think the next phase of my spanish education will need to take place in a spanish speaking country. now that my brain is reasonably well organized.

5. i most secretly and not even really as a secret just think about john. and how wonderful he is. and how it seems silly to be not closer to him more. he's so lovely i feel like i should share him, only i don't really want to share.

well, i am going to do a little yoga now. let the brain rest a bit.
then, errands, band practice, homework, and tidying.
then work.
then New York! with Ciana! and my sister! for five whole days! five whole days in which i will not work or think about work! and can focus on art and happiness and relaxation and fun and food and beauty and framboise lambic perhaps!